Lovely Little Feliciano
by isthereanyothernames
Summary: Lovely Little Feliciano, that's who he is...to everyone else. Feliciano is bored of this world. He doesn't want, doesn't need the stupid life it's given him. TRIGGER WARNING! SUICIDE AND MENTIONS OF CUTTING! Character death! Reviews are appreciated! Enjoy!
1. Lovely Little Feli

_**Heyyy People! So...Yeah! This is another little story drabble I came up with. Be warned: IT IS SAD!**_

 _ **Also...**_

 _ **TRIGGER WARNING! MENTIONS OF CUTTING AND SUICIDE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK AND PLEASE BE CAREFUL!**_

 _ **Also... Hetalia characters don't belong to me! They belong to Himaruya Hidekaz! Anywho...that's about it. Enjoy!**_

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 _Everyone loves lovely little Feliciano. Everyone loves lovely little Feli with his bright, brown eyes and happy smile. Everyone loves lovely little Feli with his cheerful voice and bounce in his step. Everyone loves lovely little Feli with his pure innocence and his constant aura of happiness. Everyone loves lovely little Feli…_

But soon lovely little Feli will be _dead._

The amber-haired boy laughed quietly to himself as he sat on his bed, looking to the wall across the room from him with empty eyes.

 _Oh, poor lovely little Feli, all gone and dead. Everyone will be shocked. They'll be asking around. Why…oh why would lovely little Feli, happiest of all, do such a thing?_ He scoffed to himself. _Well, nobody ever noticed that lovely little Feli cried himself to sleep every night. Nobody ever noticed that lovely little Feli was addicted to dragging a razor across is wrist whenever he got the free time. Nobody ever noticed how lovely little Feli counted the days to his demise. No. Nobody ever noticed because why would he ever think of that? He's just_

 _Lovely._

 _Little._

 _Feli._

"Tomorrow they'll notice," He mumbled quietly under his breath. "That's right, tomorrow lovely little Feliciano will be gone. First they'll think he's simply taken ill," A smile pulled at his lips. "But then it will be two days, three days, then four. Lovely little Feli hasn't been home or at school. They'll start searching," He chuckled. "But will they find him? Oh, no. If they drained the whole river, maybe, but not likely. He'll be gone," His chuckle grew, turning into an almost hysterical laughter. "He'll be dead! I'll be dead!" He flopped onto is back against the soft comforter of his bed, laughing and laughing. It was a manic, sick laughter, a sound one wouldn't expect to come from such an innocent looking boy.

"Feli! Get down here, you'll make us late!"

His laughter instantly stopped, and his expression matched the blank stare in his eyes for a second. _Fratello._ His eyes narrowed in annoyance. _Lovino. He'll be one I miss the least. I've lived with him for sixteen years, yet he's noticed_ nothing. _The fool. He'll probably not even notice I'm gone. I don't care though. I never did._

His irritated expression vanished immediately "Ah! Mi dispace, Lovi! I'll be right down!" With that, he plastered a smile on his face that looked so real, no one would even suspect his dark thoughts. He quickly dressed and skipped downstairs, grabbing a piece of toast before running after his brother to the bus stop.

"What were you laughing at?" Lovino glanced over to him, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh! Just a joke I thought of," Feliciano answered with a shrug. "Gilbert told me it yesterday in class and I was laughing so hard, the teacher told me to be quiet!" He smiled.

"Learn to control yourself then," Was his brother's response, along with a scowl.

"Oh yeah? I've been controlling myself, waiting for this day. Waiting for it all to end." He mumbled quietly to himself.

"What was that, Feli?"

"Oh, it was nothing, Fratello. The bus is here!"

Lovino looked at him with a puzzled expression, but waved off any suspicion when he saw his brother's happy, nonchalant expression.

Just lovely little Feli

Feliciano found his seat on the bus, and turned his head to look out the window. He envisioned what would happen tonight and a smile spread across his face. A finger tapped his shoulder.

"Yo dude, what're you smiling at?"

Feliciano turned his head and locked eyes with a blonde boy with bright blue eyes and glasses. _Alfred._ One of the most annoying kids Feliciano had ever met. He despised the guy, how he always asked the stupidest questions in class. Why couldn't he just save his dumb opinions to himself? Unfortunately, Feliciano didn't know the answer to that. Another thing that truly irked the Italian about Alfred was that he didn't seem to know the meaning of 'shut up'. He truly was a loudmouth that honestly didn't know when to stop, and what was worse was that wherever Alfred was, there was Arthur, a snobbish English student that always had his nose in a book.

"Uh…Feliciano? I'm talking to ya, bro!"

"Ah!" Feliciano snapped from his daze and forced a small smile. "Sorry, Alfie," Ah yes, the nickname. He had picked it out for the boy to make it more convincing he was his "friend". As stupid as Alfred could be at times, he had his moments where it seemed he could see through anything. He had even gotten close to looking through Feliciano. Luckily, the nickname made things instantly casual and put Alfred's guard low. "I was just thinking how exciting it is that Christmas break will be coming soon, don't you agree?"

"Heck yeah!" Alfred laughed, _oh how Feliciano hated that laugh, so obnoxious,_ and nodded his head. "I've got such a big list for this Christmas! I want the newest game console, that new zombie game that came out, a—"

"Alfred, no one cares about what you want for the holidays." Came a voice next to Alfred, though the back of the seat covered the person, but Feliciano knew who it was. For once, he was thankful for the comments of the bookworm Englishman.

"Arthur, don't be so meaaaaaan! I'm just tellin' Feli what I want!" Alfred whined.

"Yes, but no one cares." Was his reply.

"Maybe another time, Alfie," Feliciano piped up, using his sweet, innocent voice. "I'm kinda tired right now, so I'm gonna take the rest of the bus ride to catch a few minutes of sleep, 'kay?"

"Awww, okay…" Alfred pouted, but sat back down behind the back of the seat. Feliciano was relieved for the new silence. He stared back out the window, his empty smile crawling back onto his face. Now all he had to do was get through the day at school. Knowing the control he had built waiting for this day, dealing with annoying classmates for a few hours would be easy.

The day went by boringly slow, yet Feliciano kept himself together and made it through the day without strangling anyone who tried to distract himself from his thoughts on his end. He went through his classes, raised his hand for answers, which he always got correct, and sat there like the good student he was. He chatted with his friends, Ludwig, Gilbert, and Kiku, and seemed completely normal. Nobody questioned him, nobody looked at him strangely, nobody noticed because he was exactly who he was supposed to be.

Lovely little Feli.

When he arrived home, he ate dinner and talked with his brother and grandfather, who was his guardian when his and Lovino's parents passed away in a car crash. He smiled and teased Lovino about his close, _very close if Feliciano had to say so himself_ , friend, Antonio. In return, he received a small shove from the other. Everything was normal. He then went upstairs, did his homework, which was far too easy in his opinion. His public school had no challenge compared to the private school he had before he moved in with his grandfather. Classes were ever so boring. Almost as boring as the people who taught it.

After he finished, he went out, walking down the sidewalks of his neighborhood until he reached the public park. From there, he took a small path leading through some trees to a high bridge over a river. It was a beautiful sight and many people stopped at the bridge to take pictures of the scenery. The trees that surrounded the area, the river racing below, the sky shining through the branches and leaves of the trees; it was all so beautiful. A perfect place to die.

Feliciano gazed down at the river and smiled. It was December, winter. The river wasn't frozen, but deathly freezing, especially at night. "I'll be back soon." He whispered, turning and heading back to the house. By the time he returned, the sky was darkening.

"Nonno, I'm home! But I'm tired after today, so I'm going to head up to bed, okay?" He called out into the house.

"Alright, sleep well, Feliciano. I'll check on you later tonight." Came his answer.

 _Crap._

He had forgotten his grandpa always checked on him every night before he went to bed himself. No big deal though; he'd just have to wait a mere hour or so longer. He changed into his nightclothes and crawled into bed, pulling the covers over himself. He closed his eyes, trying to get at least a little bit of rest before later tonight. Oh, but, how could he? The excitement that coursed through him made him awake with adrenaline. It was so close to time. So, so close. He was so excited and fidgety, that he almost failed at his performance of being asleep when his grandfather finally came to check on him. Merely a few minutes after he heard his grandfather and brother both shut their doors, he bolted up from his bed. He tiptoed to his door, leaning his ear against it. It was quiet.

Good.

He scampered silently to the window in his room and opened it. He crawled out, taking a deep breath in the cool, night air. He shivered, rubbing his arms. Oh, the river would be freezing. It would be quick to kill him. Brilliant.

He ran down the way to the park, being careful not to be seen by anything. The faint wind of the night blew his hair in his face, and the cold nipped at his bare feet, fingers, and face. He made it to the park, then down the path until finally he stood upon the bridge. He climbed upon the railing, spreading his arms out as he looked over the water.

"Oh, what a day! But finally, _finally!_ I stand here. All those years of pretending to be happy, all those days putting up with imbeciles like my brother, Alfred, _everyone_ are over! Today, I will meet my icy end, and oh, what joy fills me when I imagine it! Goodbye, world, I am done with this present, or should I say, curse, called life you have given me!" He looked up at the night sky and laughed. "Ah, the time draws near! Shall I say a few words? What would be the point? Nothing! There is _no_ point! No one would listen, but I don't want them to listen anyway. I hate them! I HATE THEM ALL! Always seeing me as pure little Feliciano. Wait, no…Lovely. Little. Feli. That's right. That's what I am to everyone. But what if, just for a moment, I wasn't lovely little Feli." His eyes suddenly stung with watery tears. "I'd be _broken_ little Feliciano. Suicidal Feliciano. _Dead Feliciano._ " He began to laugh, ignoring the tears that fell down his face. "Well, it doesn't matter now, doES IT?! NO! IT DOESN'T MATTER! I'M GOING TO DIE!" He laughs, laughing a manic, insane, hysterical laugh. "Why wait any longer? Death is calling me! Well, world? This is where I bid you farewell!"

He jumped.

Cold. It was the first thing Feliciano felt as the water engulfed his body. His lungs instantly began to burn for the air they so desperately needed. The rushing water made his body tumble, hitting rocks as it did. Bubbles upon bubbles escaped his mouth as he laughed under the water, pulling in the liquid his body quickly rejected. Sputtering, silent coughs came from, but no air came in return. His vision darkened gradually, and his limbs became numb. This is what he wanted. This was it. He laughed more, and in return, inhaled more water. Everything was becoming slower…fuzzier…darker.

Down.

Down.

Down.

He seemed to spiral. It became darker.

And darker.

And darker.

 _Goodbye everyone. This is the end of lovely…little…Feliciano…_

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 ** _AN: WHOA that was depressing! Sorry guyyys, but when the idea came to my head I had to write! Anywho, reviews are awesome! Constructive criticism is good, too, but I just ask you don't engulf me with flames..._**

 ** _I am a fragile smol bean please be tender with me (._.)"_**

 ** _Anyway, until next time! Byesies~!_**


	2. Broken Little Lovi

**Hello people! So, thanks to an AMAZING review, I was inspired to make a little chapter two on what happened afterward! So...GET READY FOR FEELS!**

 **TW: Mentions of suicide (Well, duh) And cutting! Stay safe please! Also, DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN HETALIA! Enjoy reading and getting your heart shattered! :D**

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"Sir, are you alright? Do you need to sit down?"

He couldn't speak. His throat was dry, he couldn't breathe. His mouth moved only to form mute, meaningless words that caught in his throat. His heart raced and his whole body seemed to shake, even though he stood rigid. The words continued to pound in his head, screaming.

" _We found a body in the river and have identified it as your brother."_

They echoed over

and over

and over.

"Sir? Do you need a moment before we take you to confirm the body?"

Lovino blinked, forcing himself to pay attention. He took in a breath, though it did nothing to calm his racing heart. "U-Um, no… no. I'm fine." He croaked out.

The officer in front of him nodded once. "Alright. We've already notified your grandfather and will meet him at the site. If you'd follow me, I'll take you to the car and we'll be on our way."

Lovino nodded without another word and followed the man to the black and white car waiting outside the front of the school. He still couldn't wrap his head around what was happening. His brother was fine. He was perfectly fine…wasn't he? He came home the night before, ate dinner, talked, and then went to bed. Just like every other night. Wasn't he fine? Everything had been normal.

 _Had been._

Yes, it _had_ been normal. It _was going to be_ normal today as well. Lovino had knocked on his brother's door and called him down for breakfast as he had done so for the past years of his life. He had found it odd when Feliciano hadn't come down, but had quickly dismissed it since Feliciano had overslept and been late plenty of times. It was normal.

Then why had he been pulled out of class to face an officer to be told a body had been found in the river if everything was normal? Why had fear and panic settled in when he heard the news if everything was normal? And why… _why_ was he now in a cop car on his way to identify if the body was _in fact_ his brother if everything was normal?

His head began to ache at the thoughts. His throat clenched again, making his breaths strained. His stomach rolled and churned inside him. He cracked his window open slightly, hoping fresh air would do him good.

The officer glanced back at him, a hint of concern in his eyes. "You alright back there?"

Lovino nodded, but said nothing. He stayed silent for the rest of the trip.

Soon they had arrived at the location and the car pulled to a slow stop. They were in the forest a bit, trees surrounding the area. The river was a few meters away, more officers standing around the bank of it with their blue suits and caution tape. The mere sight of it made Lovino nauseous.

He stepped out of the car and glanced around, taking in his surroundings. The crisp, cool air nipped at his nose and stung his throat as he breathed it in. Winter was definitely here, making everything around it icy and cold. The thought of someone in that river in this weather sent shivers down Lovino's spine.

Then a voice met his ears, the words making his heart plummet.

"No…not my Feli…not my little Feliciano…"

 _No. no. NO. This can't be happening. No no no nonononononono! It can't, it's not him, it's not Feliciano. Feliciano is fine. He's okay, this isn't him. Please, please let it not be him…_

He stepped towards the river's bank, heading past the officers. His hands shook with nerves. His eyes settled in front of him, finding his grandfather kneeled on the ground…

A motionless Feliciano in his arms.

His heart skipped a beat. He couldn't breathe. His stomach plummeted.

 _No._

 _It's not him._

 _It's not Feliciano._

His denying thoughts weakened and faded the more he stared at his lifeless brother in horror. The world began to go in and out of focus. Sounds were overwhelmingly loud one moment, then almost silent the next. A hoarse, trembling whisper escaped him. "No…"

His grandfather turned his head, looking over at Lovino with wet, red-rimmed eyes. Tears spilled down his face as he eyed his eldest grandson. Moving one hand out from under the body in his arms, he held it out to Lovino in a small gesture.

Lovino didn't react instantly, but after a few moments took a step forward. "No, no, no…" He mumbled, voice cracking. "No, it's not real…It's not him…"

"Lovino…He…" His grandfather's voice trailed.

"No, no!" Lovino continued to deny, panic lacing his tone. He shook his head, bringing his shaking hands to his face. "No, i-it's not him! It's not my brother! That's not him!"

"Lovi…"

"NO!" He nearly screamed. His insides felt like they were about to explode. His lungs felt about to rip. His legs faltered and buckled beneath him. "IT'S NOT HIM! THAT'S NOT MY BROTHER! T-THAT'S NOT HIM! HE'S NOT DEAD!"

"Lovino!" His grandfather gently set Feliciano's body down and rose to his feet. He stepped over to the trembling boy and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Lovi, please…calm down."

Lovino shook his head violently, fear and shock clear in his eyes. He couldn't believe this. He couldn't accept this had happened. He couldn't accept that the body in front of him was that of his little brother's. "No! It can't be him! It's…It's not!" He fought at the cracking and breaking of his voice and the tears that welled in his eyes.

"It's him, Lovino," His grandfather said quietly. "There's no way it isn't…"

"You're lying!" Lovino cried, sinking to the cold ground. He put his hands to his ears, shaking his head. "I don't believe you! That's not him! That's not my brother! You're lying…!"

"Look at him, Lovino…Look at him, and tell me that isn't your brother."

Lovino crawled over to the body, staring down at it. His breath caught in his throat and the tears in his eyes began to blur his vision. He brushed the back of his hand against Feliciano's soft, damp, and pale cheek. His breaths hiccupped as he ran his fingers through his brother's hair and then across his chest, feeling the wet clothes on him. _No. No…_

It was indeed, Feliciano.

A wail of anguish and grief clustered deep inside and then ripped from Lovino. He threw his head back, screaming to the sky the pain, the sadness, the _hurt_ that stabbed at his heart. His brother was dead… He was gone, and never coming back. His Feliciano, his lovely little Feliciano, was dead.

He wailed again, then ducked his head as his yells turned to heart-wrenching sobs. Soon he felt two hands on his shoulders, giving them a reassuring squeeze before moving to pull him into an embrace. Lovino leaned into the chest of his grandfather, clutching onto his shirt and weeping into it. How could this happen to him? Why? Where was the right for his innocent, little brother to die like this when he was so young?

"They say it was a suicide, Lovi…"

A _suicide?!_ There was no way that could be true! Feliciano was the happiest person Lovino every knew, and that included Alfred! No…that, that couldn't be true. It..It couldn't…

"There's no evidence that anyone else was there. Also…look at his arms…"

Lovino pulled away to glance down at Feliciano's rolled up sleeves. His eyes widened as his gaze landed on scars upon scars on Feliciano's arms. Some fresh cuts littered his skin as well, redness outlining them. His voice fled him and his breaths hitched once again. He couldn't bear to look at it and ducked his head back into his grandfather. His grandfather's arms pulled him closer and rubbed circles on his back. Lovino felt his fingers run through his hair just as he himself had done to Feliciano. He cried harder, sobs racking and shaking his body against his grandfather's. He didn't know this much emotion could possibly come out of him. Usually, he was cold towards his every happy brother, but deep down, he did care for him. As much he would've hated to admit, Lovino always had enjoyed Feliciano's bubbly behavior, even if he was jealous of it at times. Feliciano always seemed to have a smile on his face, and so, put smiles on others' faces. To think of someone so happy like Feliciano to do such a…horrid thing absolutely shattered Lovino inside.

Lovino continued to cry into his grandfather for a while more until he felt himself being lifted up into his arms. He was carried to his grandfather's car and set on the seat. His grandfather stared up at him, his own eyes glistening.

"Are you okay to head home?"

Lovino nodded slowly, rubbing away the tears that strayed down his cheeks. He took in a sniffling breath and got settled in the seat, buckling himself up.

His grandfather nodded and gave him a pat on the shoulder. He then got into the driver's seat, starting the car afterwards. "Alright, well, we'll get a funeral planned for him soon. But for now, it's time to say goodbye."

Lovino swallowed uneasily, staring out the window in silence as the car pulled back and turned around. Now that the tears were gone, his eyes remained blank and empty. He watched as the site grew smaller and smaller as they left.

 _Goodbye, Feliciano…_

* * *

When they arrived home, Lovino immediately ran upstairs. His grandfather didn't question him, which he felt grateful for. It was only evening, not even supper time, but Lovino just wanted to go to bed. As He walked down the hallway, he passed his brother's room before he got to his own. He stopped in the doorway, gazing into the empty room. Feliciano's bed was unmade, as if he had just gotten out of it that morning, heck, even the clothes he had warn two days ago were still strewn across the floor. Books from school were still on his desk, along with a half-written assignment. It all looked so natural, so normal, and now…now the room would be of no use since no one would be coming back to it.

Lovino took a hesitant step inside, looking all around himself. An overwhelming flood of memories and emotion overcame him. He could almost see Feliciano in the room, sitting on his bed, playing his games on the floor, working at his desk. Lovino walked over to his brother's desk and picked up a picture frame. It held a photo of Feliciano, smile and all. He looked so…happy.

Lovino's eyes filled with tears and he clutched the picture to his chest, sinking to the floor. "Feliciano…" He whimpered. "Why? Why didn't you tell us? Why did you leave? Why did you have to leave us…? Come back…please, please come back. Don't leave me here alone. I don't want to be alone, Feli! I-I want you back home…Why won't you come back home…? Why do you have to be gone?" Quiet cries came from him, yet he remained where he was. He felt so hurt, so betrayed, so…sad. It wasn't a simple sadness, no, it was deep. It ran through his veins, ached in his bones, and weighed down his heart. He had never understood true grief, not even through the incident of his parents, until now. This, this hurt. It hurt so bad. Lovino wanted it to go away so, so bad. He wanted this pain to dissipate. He wanted Feliciano. He wanted his brother back.

Unfortunately, Feliciano would never be back. Lovino knew full well that one could not return from death, so, why was he pleading for it so much? Why was he begging to the impossible?

Taking in a shuddering breath, he stood, still clinging to the photo. He trudged over to Feliciano's bed and crawled into it. The blanket and pillows smelled of his brother, a scent so sweet and now nostalgic that Lovino wanted to trap it and keep it forever. He buried his nose into the blankets, swallowing back more cries. Tears continued to slip form his eyes, one by one.

What was he going to tell everyone? Ludwig and Kiku were Feli's friends, right? How would they take the fact that their happy little Italian friend had taken his own life and was never coming back? Heck…Would Lovino even have the will to go to school tomorrow? The brunette sighed to himself. Everyone would have to know sooner or later…Might as well get it done sooner.

Lovino dug himself deeper into the covers, shaking the thoughts from his mind. He'd deal with all that later. He let out a small breath, staring in silence at the wall across the room. Exhaustion was beginning to set in him, making his arms and legs feel heavier and heavier. He was drained, physically and emotionally, and sleep seemed so welcoming at the moment. There, he could escape the pain of the day. There, he could be with Feliciano, even if only in his dreams. He bit his lip, taking in a trembling breath before letting it out in a whisper.

"Goodnight, Feli…"

He then shut his eyes and drifted off into sleep.

* * *

 **Okay! So... That was heartbreaking to write... Man. Hope you enjoyed guys! Reviews are AWESOME! As in... Brilliant brilliant BRILLIANT I tell you, GENIUS, I say! (Thanks Yzma)**

 **Oh! PLEASE READ!**

 **So, I'm gonna do another chapter soon so I can incorporate the reactions of others' (Alfred, Luddy, etc) And I was thinking about doing the funeral thing. BUT HERE'S WERE MY QUESTION FOR ALL YOU GUYS IS! Should I continue? Should I continue after the funeral to Lovino coping and other friendly feels? I dunno, so I'm hoping you guys can give me feedback! Thank youuuuuuuuu! Hope you enjoyed! Ciao for now, my lovelies! :D**


	3. It hurts

**Heyyyyy! So first off, thank you for the reviews! They've encouraged and inspired me to continue this story! I apologize for the delay of this chapter, life has just been very busy! Also, we just got a new puppy, so I've gotten no time to write! So now that it's midnight, I've finally finished this chapter!**

 **Be warned, it's like...Super loooong! Sorry! I just...kept writing and writing! Heh. Hope you guys like it!**

 **WARNING: Lovi's language in this one is...well, you know. Just thought I'd warn ya.**

 **Anywho... I don't own these characters! They belong to Hetalia, which belongs to Himaruya~! Welp...Enjoy!**

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Lovino didn't want to get up the next day.

Lovino groaned as the alarm continued to blare its annoying ring over and over in his ear. He cracked open his eyes, squinting almost immediately as the bright screen of the alarm burned his eyes in the dark room. He groggily reached over to the nightstand next to the bed and slid his finger across his phone's screen, silencing the relentlessly annoying noise. He glanced around as his eyes grew accustomed to the darkness, growing confused at the different room. Why wasn't he in his room? Did something hap—

It all came back to him like a bullet to the heart. The officer at school, the drive to the river, the news…It all resurfaced in his mind. Feliciano… He was gone. He hadn't come back during the night, saying it was all a dream. He wasn't coming back.

A heaviness weighed in Lovino's chest, slowly seeming to push him down. He suddenly didn't want to get out of bed, much less go to school.

 _School._

Thinking of the place sent a pang of dread through him. He would have to give the news to everyone; to Antonio, Gilbert, Ludwig.

Ludwig. He was Feliciano's best friend if Lovino remembered correctly. He was blond haired and blue-eyed, had a thicker, muscular, build to him, and a stern personality to match the ever remaining stone-like expression on his face. Personally, Lovino didn't approve of the guy. There wasn't anything specific he could pick out, but he didn't feel comfortable around Ludwig. He looked a lot like a friend Feliciano used to have long ago. He had been Feliciano's closest friend, and Lovino was almost certain the two would blossom into something more, but the boy had left unexpectedly, without a goodbye, and never returned. It had broken Feliciano's heart, sent him crying for weeks, and Lovino could do nothing to console his brother. From then on, Lovino was very protective of his brother as he recovered, and to find that Feliciano had become friends with a boy who looked almost exactly like the one who had crushed his heart set Lovino on edge. Though even after endless questions and accusations, Ludwig still denied ever knowing Feliciano and claimed to have lived in Germany while the two brothers had stayed in Italy. Even as Ludwig seemed completely truthful, Lovino still had his doubts.

But he wouldn't have to doubt or worry about Ludwig anymore. There was nothing to get him worried about the boy anymore.

As much as he disliked Ludwig, though, Lovino still didn't want to break the news to him. Whether he was a stoic person or not, the news of his best friend's death would surely hit him hard. Lovino didn't want to tell the news to anyone, friend of Feliciano's or not.

But it had to come out eventually. News of Feliciano's death couldn't be kept a secret forever, and whether or not Lovino actually told people, the subject of his brother would probably surface sooner or later. Lovino didn't want to wait for that to happen, so as much as he dreaded it, he knew he was better off sharing the news now.

After laying with his thoughts for a couple more minutes, Lovino forced himself to sit up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. The world spun momentarily at the sudden movement, and he put a hand to his forehead to steady his focus. He stood and dressed himself, then took one more look at the room around him. The sinking feeling in him grew, putting a heavy weight on him from his shoulders to his feet. He finally turned around and trudged out into the hall, and then downstairs into the kitchen.

As he walked in, he was met with his grandfather sitting at the table with a mug of coffee in his hand. He didn't look much better than Lovino. His hair was disheveled, his posture slumped, his eyes glistening slightly. He glanced up and caught sight of Lovino, his eyes widening.

"Lovino!" He exclaimed. "I-I didn't know you were going to school today. I though you would want to take a day to rest."

Lovino shook his head. "No. Might as well just go and get the day over with."

"Lovi..." His grandfather looked sadly at him. He opened his mouth, but hesitated with his words, as if having second thoughts about them. Finally, he managed a small smile at his grandson. "Alright. Have a good day then. Stay safe."

Lovino nodded but said nothing more. With a quick glance at the clock, he headed out the door to the bus stop, not caring for a breakfast. It was raining outside, the sky sending a steady drizzle to the earth. Lovino didn't bother covering his head, he hadn't even put on his jacket, as he continued to the bus stop. Shortly after he arrived at the curb, now partially drenched, the bus came and he stepped on. He said nothing as he found his seat and immediately scooted to the window. He stared out blankly, watching as the bus pulled away and started down the road. The ride was mainly quiet until…

 _Poke._ "Yo, dude! Why such a long face?"

Lovino grimaced. It was Alfred, a kid he had seen Feliciano socialize with at times. Another friend probably. He said nothing in response.

Another poke. "Heeeeeey! I'm talkin' to ya! It's not nice to ignore people, bro."

"It's not polite to annoy people, either, but apparently you have no problem doing that." Lovino muttered out quietly.

"Whoa, man, chill. What's got your tail in a knot?"

Lovino gritted his teeth, about to answer with a snide remark when another voice interrupted.

"Leave him alone. He might be tired, you know."

Lovino recognized the voice to be the one of Elizabeta, a girl with long brown hair who always chose to hung out with the snobby musician, Roderich. He didn't know her that well, but like Alfred, he had seen his brother hang out with her a couple of times.

"Yeah, but he can at least answer, am I right, Artie" Alfred protested.

"Mm." Was his only answer.

"I'm just saying," Elizabeta crossed her arms. "He could be having a rough morning or something. I think you should just leave him be."

Lovino could hear Alfred mumbling a few arguments, but drowned out his voice, turning his attention back to the window as he gazed at the droplets of water that clung to the glass. He closed his eyes lightly, attempting to get some rest as the bus continued to make its way to school.

Lovino could feel the bus slow to a stop as it pulled into the school. He sat up and gathered his things, staring ahead silently until the doors opened and he walked off. He then started towards the building his first class was in, simply wanting to get the morning over with. A sudden hand clapped his shoulder, startling him.

"Hola, Lovi!"

"Hey!" He snapped, his voice hoarse from the other night. "What the hell, man?" He turned to face his close friend, Antonio. He glared into Antonio's green eyes.

"Aw, Lovi, why so angry so early? Is it the weather that has you all gloomy?" Teased Antonio.

"No, now screw off, bastard." Lovino narrowed his eyes and then turned away, mumbling. "And how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?"

"Aw, I'm sorry, Lovi-er-Lovino," The Spaniard smiled sheepishly as he scurried to catch up to Lovino, who had started to walk ahead. "Don't be mad at me, pleaaaaase? Oh! You must tell me what happened yesterday when you got called out! We're all dying to know, Gilbert, Francis, Alfred, and I and lots of others, too! There were police cars out and everything!"

He said nothing in return to Antonio's rambling, his heart dropping at the reminder of yesterday. He continued walking in silence, ignoring his friend's probing at him.

"Loviiiiiii~!" Antonio whined. "Why won't you tell meeeee?"

After another minute or so of the other's relentless pleads for the news, Lovino gave an exasperated sigh. Stopping momentarily outside of the building they had reached, he turned to face Antonio, his expression serious. "Alright, alright. Gather everybody, my friends and my brother's. We'll meet out by the three trees at lunch and I'll tell you all. Got it?"

Antonio nodded quickly with a smile. "Si! Hopefully Feli will join us, too. I wanna know if he knows anything as well. Though…Feli wasn't here yesterday. Is he better today?"

Lovino's throat burned at the mention of his dead brother, the little nickname he was always called stinging his heart. He swallowed and looked down. "Just…bring everyone, okay? Don't ask questions, just do it. I'll explain everything, so don't pry, got it? I'm going to class. I'm not going to be late because of your lazy ass asking me all these pointless questions." With that, he turned around and headed towards the door of the building. "Bastard…" He muttered under his breath.

Antonio watched Lovino head inside, a somewhat confused expression growing on his face. Something seemed off about Lovino, like something was bothering him, yet he had no idea what it was. But then again, the stubborn Italian was usually like that; too headstrong to admit or share his own struggles. Antonio had to sometimes pester Lovino for days before finally getting a few words out of him. It wasn't healthy for the other to keep it all in, and Antonio knew that full well. So he hoped that whatever Lovino had to share at lunch today would give them a glance into Lovino's heart, his true feelings. Maybe then, they could help them.

Lovino's classes went in a blur. His mind was racing with thoughts upon thoughts, blocking out the information that the teachers provided during the class period. He took notes, as usual, but paid no attention to what he was writing. He was out of it; completely in his own world of thoughts. By the time his last class came before lunch, he had forgotten what subject he even had. During the last forty-five minutes before lunch, the dread of having to actually explaining the situation began to settle deep in Lovino's gut. He really didn't want to do it. He wanted to go home, curl up in bed, and never come out.

Swallowing down his anxiety, he put on his usual stern expression and made his way to the place he had told Antonio. He gripped his paper-bag lunch tightly in one hand. He most likely wouldn't get around to eating it, knowing that explaining the whole situation would eradicate his faint appetite. Upon arriving to the three specific trees outside of one of the buildings of the school, surrounded by green grass, he saw Antonio with a group of other students waiting for him. There was Feliciano's friends; Ludwig, of course, with Kiku, Elizabeta, Roderich, Alfred, and Arthur. Then there was Lovino's friends, which consisted of Antonio, Gilbert, who was Ludwig's older brother, and Francis, a French kid who always seemed to be pestering Arthur when he wasn't around Gilbert and Antonio. Seeing Lovino, they all gave a small smile, though their eyes seemed to hold a question to them. They were curious about what Lovino had to say.

The Italian sighed and took a seat in the grass. He chewed his lip, going through the words he had prepared himself to say.

"So, Lovi," Began Antonio. "What'd you wanna tell us?"

Taking in a small breath, Lovino looked up at the others. "So, as you know, I was called out of fifth period yesterday to address a situation, and there happened to be police in the parking lot as well. To answer any questions about that, yes, the situation involved them."

"Uh, Lovino, we kind of guessed that." Arthur commented.

"Hey! You want me to explain this or not?!" Lovino snapped. "It's not nice to interrupt, you tea-bastard!"

"Now, now, Lovi," Antonio put a hand on Lovino's shoulder, though the Italian quickly jerked away. "There's no need to have a harsh tone. Just continue telling us what happened, okay?"

With a huff, Lovino crossed his arms and continued. "As I was saying, the situation involved the police. Also, you probably noticed that my brother, Feliciano, as you all know, was absent from school that day."

"Yeah!" Interjected Alfred. "He totally missed my cool conversation on the bus! He was sick, right?" The boy's eyes suddenly widened. "Wait…the police weren't here because he suddenly worsened, right?!"

"No…" Lovino said, his gaze moving to the ground. "They came to bring me somewhere. It…It was a place they said they found a body, and they wanted me to see if I recognized it." He paused, taking a couple breaths to steady his voice. "They wanted me to see if the body was…was Feliciano."  
A gasp came from the group, and as Lovino took a quick glimpse at everyone, he could see the worried anticipation in their eyes.

"So…" Ludwig spoke up hesitantly. "It wasn't…right?"

Lovino swallowed dryly. His chest began to hurt, and breathing seemed harder than it was before. "They found the body in the river by where I live. It was freezing. No one could survive long if they jumped in. The body was still wet when I saw it, but…" His voice choked up, tears pricking at his eyes. "I-It was him… There was no mistaking it… Feliciano is…d-dead…" His breath hitched and Lovino quickly brought a hand to cover his mouth in an attempt to muffle the small cries that threatened to escape him.

A shocked silence loomed over the group, the others all wearing the same horrified expression as they processed the news the Italian had just presented to them. Alfred gulped. "You…You don't mean it was, um…suicide…was it?"

Lovino nodded weakly. He sniffed a couple times, his voice wavering as he spoke up. "H-he had j-jumped in the…the night before. It was terrifying… His arms…" He broke off the sentence, hunching over slightly as the cries that had been suppressed came rushing up. As hard as he tried to fight them, tears still snaked their way down his face. "T-they…they…" He couldn't finish. His words continued to be interrupted by cries.

As he feebly attempted to get himself together again, Lovino felt a pair of arms wrap around him. He then felt himself being pulled against a chest, and smelled the familiar scent of a garden and the countryside. He glanced up through teary eyes, and out of his blurry vision, he saw Antonio, holding him close and dear. He leaned into his friend, his cries turning into sobs. He hadn't wanted to break down like this, especially in front of this many people, but the news still felt unreal to him, and it hurt so much to say it out loud.

"Lovi…" Antonio said in a quiet voice. "I'm…I'm so sorry. That's awful… And what's worse is that none of us knew he was suffering."

"H-He didn't tell a-anybody…He never d-did," Lovino managed in a shaky sentence. "A-and…and nobody e-ever noticed…We c-could've helped him, b-but…but…" His eyes renewed with more tears and he choked on a sob. "B-But now it's too late! H-He's gone…!"

By now, the other's in the group had their eyes misty as well. Elizabeta cried softly into Roderich's shoulder as the musician stared ahead sadly. Alfred continuously wiped at his nose and eyes, his breath hitching. Arthur looked down, blinking back the tears that tried to fill his eyes. Francis let his flow freely, looking sadly at Lovino as tears dripped down his face one by one. Kiku stared at his feet, biting his lip as his breathing began to grow shaky. Gilbert put a hand on Ludwig, who still stared in shocked horror at the news.

"Why…?" Ludwig mumbled. "Why…why would he do such a thing to himself?"

Lovino lifted his head to glare at the blond. "What do you think I've been trying to figure out ever since I saw his dead body?!" He snapped in a hoarse voice. Ludwig flinched at the harsh words, hurt flashing across his face, but he said nothing.

"Shh, Lovi," Antonio said. "He's affected by the news just as you are. All of us are wondering the same thing. There's no need to get angry. It'll be okay."

"Okay?" Lovino wrenched himself out of Antonio's hold, staring at him with a mixture of surprise and sudden fury. "Okay?! How the hell can you say that?! My brother is _dead!_ He fucking killed himself! How the hell is that okay?!"

"Lovino, calm down—"

"NO!" Lovino yelled, tears streaming faster as anger mixed with the grief inside of him. "I _won't_ calm down! How can I be calm in this situation?! How can you even have the balls to expect me to?! You bastard, you don't even care! You don't understand the pain of having your own little brother taken away from you! You don't get it at all! You can't feel what I feel!"

"Lovino!" Francis interrupted sharply. "That's enough!"

Lovino turned, glaring at the Frenchman. He opened his mouth to retort something, but Francis spoke first.  
"Listen, we know we can't feel the amount of hurt you must be experiencing right now. It's probably more than we can think of! But there is no excuse for you to act out like this! Feliciano's death has affected all of us, no matter how long we've known about it." His tone softened, and he stared Lovino in the eye sternly, yet sympathetically. "Feliciano was our friend. He may not have been a brother, but we all felt a great connection to him. He brought smiles into our lives. He laughed with us. Cried with us. Spent every day with us…until now. And…It's our fault we never noticed the pain he carried within himself. That guilt will be burdened within us until we die, just as it is in you." Lovino opened his mouth again to say something, but Francis held up a finger. "But, we can't just break down and dig ourselves into a pit. We must move on. For Feli's sake, and our own. We can't let our grief and emotions get the better of our actions, and let us make rash decisions. Do you understand?"

Lovino looked down, but gave a small nod.

"Good," Francis said. "That doesn't mean we don't hurt. Like I said, this affects all of us. But we will be here for each other. We will help each other through this, no?" He looked around at the others, giving a small gesture. "C'mon guys. We're going to be here for each other through this tough time, right?"

One by one, the others nodded their head in conformation. Antonio put his hand on Lovino's head with a soft pat. He looked down at the teary-faced boy and smiled sadly. "We'll help you get through this, Lovi. We'll be right along with you during this time, okay?"

Lovino nodded, but didn't say anything at first. After a couple moments of silence, he spoke up softly. "Um…we're gonna hold a funeral for him in about a week or so. My grandfather said I could invite some people to it…so…if you guys want to come and all, um, feel free. We're holding it at the park since that was one of Feli's favorite places to go when he was alive. But you guys don't have to come. No one's gonna force you."

Antonio clasped Lovino's shoulder reassuringly. "Of course we'll be there. Are you going to say anything?"

Lovino shrugged. "Probably. I've gotta figure out what to say first."

"Well, if you need any help with that, I bet Artie'll lend ya a hand." Alfred said, nudging Arthur. He smiled a little. "This kid's like, crazy about writing. Gets all A's in English class, that's for sure!"

"Hey! Don't go spitting my grades out to everyone, you git!" Arthur snipped at Alfred. He then turned to Lovino. "Well, as this moron said, I'd be happy to give you a hand if you need help with writing your speech."

"Ooh! I wanna help in some way, too!" Alfred piped up. "I know! I'll write some jokes! That way the funeral won't be _too_ depressing, y'know?"

"I can bake some thing's that Feli always enjoyed if you'd like," ELizabeta put in.

"I can compose some music in honor of him, I guess." Roderich said quickly after Elizabeta.

"I can create some beautiful decorations," Smiled Francis, flipping a hand through his longer hair. "Even if it is a funeral, a little bit of decoration wouldn't hurt."

The others that were left quickly volunteered to help set up everything when the time came and provide other goodies, gifts, and such. Lovino looked around to each person, fighting the small smile that tugged at his lips. He wiped his eyes, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "Thanks guys. I appreciate it a lot."

"Any time, mon ami." Francis winked. "And remember, we're here for you, okay? Don't be afraid to come to us If you're struggling."

"Yeah, got it."

"Good." He stood up, stretching his arms out, and yawned. "Well then, I do believe lunch is just about over, so I am going to grab my things and be on my way to my next class."

The others nodded in agreement and stood up as well. One by one they headed off until it was simply Antonio and Lovino left. The Spaniard looked over Lovino with worried eyes.

"Is…Is there anything else I can do for you, Lovino?"

Lovino looked over at Antonio, then down at the ground. He shrugged. "I don't think so. It's…just going to be difficult for a while."

"I understand." He paused. "But, just as Francis said, don't be afraid to come to us if you need someone to comfort you. It isn't good to hold it all in. I worry about you."

Lovino looked back up at Antonio, his expression somewhat confused. "You worry about me?"

"Well, yeah." Antonio shrugged, red hinting at his cheeks. "I care about you a lot. You're my friend, and so if something is bothering you, I want to help all I can. But when you hide it all the time, when you bury your feelings and pain away, then I can't help, and it worries me. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Lovino didn't respond. He hadn't known that Antonio worried about him so much. It was true that he tended to hide his feelings and cast them away or bottle them up, but he hadn't thought it was a big deal to the Spaniard. To hear that Antonio cared about him, and actually worried about him, sent a small, warm feeling through him. He didn't really notice it though under all the other things that weighed down on him. "I'll…I'll try to come to you guys if I need anything, okay? I can't promise, but I'll try."

"Good enough for me," Antonio replied, smiling a bit. "I'll see you later then? I should probably get ready for class. Wouldn't want to be late."

"Ah, yeah, yeah." Lovino nodded. "Catch you later. And…Thanks for listening to me today. Sorry I kinda made a scene and stuff…"

"Don't worry about it." Antonio shook his head. "You're going through something that's very tough. It's okay to cry and break down in these situations. Just know that we're here for you."

He gave another nod. "Got it."

"Hah, alright," Antonio smiled. "Hang in there Lovi." And with that, he turned and began to head off to another building.

Lovino watched Antonio walk off, taking in a deep breath of air. Although the burden of grief on him was still very heavy, it felt somewhat lighter now that he had actually told his friends about what happened. And now he had something to focus on with them, and not all by himself. He would get through the week. He could make it. And when it was over, he would focus on the funeral. And when that was done, well…he wasn't quite sure what he would do.

But perhaps that was okay.

Perhaps he would simply take that time to focus on healing.

Yeah, that sounded nice.

* * *

 **Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Was it okay? You guys like it? Or did I totally butcher it... (-) I didn't get to the funeral in this chapter, so I will in the next! But if my writing is too terrible, just tell me and I'll make sure to end the story after that. I'll just do what you guys want, really. Anyway, so...yeah. OH! Just saying, but chapters will not be frequent! They might take a while to write since I don't have lots of time...But I will continue to try and get them out as quick as I can!**

 **Reviews are always appreciated! Thanks for reading, guys! Ciao for now! :D**


	4. Please Read!

**HELLO ALL MY AMAZING PEOPLE! You're probably thinking… "Oh crap. An author's note that means they're discontinuing the story!" BUT NO! I PROMISE ON MY BUNNY'S GRAVE THAT I WILL FINISH THIS STORY IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO.**

 **The thing is, life has just been a pain in the behind lately, and with school then holidays, it's just been super busy… Also not to mention I've had this conTINUOUS WRITER'S BLOCK THAT'S BEEN GOING ON SINCE THE BEGINNING OF DECEMBER LIKE UUUUUUUGH! I hope it goes away soon because it prevents me from writing stories and then just meeeeh! I'm sorry guyyyyyys! I'm a terrible person and I know I'm sorry sorry sorryyyyyY!**

 ***Begs for forgiveness over and over***

 **OH!**

 **I did have an idea though for this story and how I can keep it going…**

 **YOU GUYS! :D (Well, if you want to~.)**

 **If ya'll want, I would be happy to hear ideas for this story from you guys! If you want me to incorporate something, have an idea for a scene, if you want to see from a different perspective, I'd be SUPER HAPPY to hear your input! It'll also help with this writer's block I bet, too!**

 **Anyway, you don't have to of course, either way, I promise I will complete this story. But as you know, I LOVE YOUR FEEDBACK! LIKE LITERALLY, YOUR REVIEWS AND COMMENTS ARE THE REASON THIS STORY IS STILL BEING WRITTEN I LOVE YOU GUYS!**

 **Seriously though, you all are amazing and I love each and every one of your reviews.**

 **But yeah! That's my idea. I'll try to check continuously and try to incorporate any ideas given in some way!**

 **Until then, I will keep brainstorming on what to go on with next! Thank you SO SO SO much for your patience and encouragement for this story! I hope it turns out to be great!**

 **Thanks again all you lovely people! Ciao for now!**

 **-Isthereanyothernames. :3**


	5. The Funeral

***Sneaks in room* *Pots, pans, and other supplies fly* *Dives behind trashcan***

 **Hello again, everyone! It is I, Isthereanyothernames, or Izzy, I guess (I have no clue how to shorten that username for a nickname to go by. If you have any ideas, please share!) Anyway, I'm not dead yet!**

 **I FINALLY beat that writer's block! It was sooooo long and awful and I am SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SOSOSOSOSOSOSOOOOOOOO SORRY! Ugh, I'm a terrible human being... Anyway, I got this chapter up now!**

 **Also, before I wish you off into this, I just want to say thank you to all who read this. I'm honestly not really confident in my writing or what I make/post. It's why I have terrible writer's block or don't update as often. I'm really just... not confident in what I do.**

 **That's why all your reviews, favs, or follows mean the world to me. They're what inspire me! If ideas are sent to me, I get inspired to write them and if any of you put ideas for this story in reviews, I will do my best to make them happen! You readers keep my stories going, and I am so thankful for each and every one of you! I hope I can continue to please you all through this story! Okay, okay, enough stalling. Hope you all like this chapter!**

 **As all you may know, I do not own Hetalia or any of these characters~**

* * *

The next week and a half for Lovino came and went surprisingly fast. Much work had been done during the days before in preparation; decorations, food, and chairs at the park, which had been reserved, were all set up. Just as they had said, Lovino's friends all pitched in for the funeral. Elizabeta baked the delicious goods that were set out on the table, Francis managed almost all the of the decorations, and Roderich had even had one of his (yes, apparently, he had more than one) pianos brought out where he would play the music he composed himself for the event.

Everything seemed to be running smoothly for the funeral, that is, aside from Lovino's speech. Being the stubborn Italian he was, Lovino refused Arthur's, or anyone's, help and insisted he could write his speech on his own. This statement lasted until the coffee-haired boy showed up on Arthur's doorstep two days before the funeral in a frustrated distress. The brit, although hating to be requested last minute, assisted Lovino in his writing, giving him tips and ideas of what to say. With the help of the Englishman, Lovino had his speech done in less than two hours (it would've taken him more than five if he had done it on his own).

Although the funeral was Lovino's main focus, school still (unfortunately) existed. With working all day on the weekend and after school, Lovino was exhausted throughout the week and barely stayed awake during his classes. He actually fell asleep in one period after lunch and barely escaped punishment thanks to Antonio explaining the situation to the teacher. Lovino's friends were really doing a lot for him during this time. They came to help set up the funeral after school, kept Lovino on top of his homework, and overall kept watch over him to make sure he was doing alright for the most part. Alfred would always have something positive to say to reassure Lovino, Francis and Gilbert made sure he was eating right and getting a somewhat good amount of sleep, and Antonio would check up on how he was mentally and emotionally doing.

For all the help his friends were giving him, Lovino tried his hardest to be open and honest. As Lovino himself had said, he wasn't perfect at it. There were days where storms of dark, sad, and angry emotions stirred within him, and Lovino insisted he was fine. Luckily, Antonio and the others had a keen eye out for when he was lying and saw right through his façade. As this happened, Lovino became more open, and the days seemed to get…easier.

Finally, the day of the funeral arrived. Lovino, who was dressed nicely in a black suit, stood with his grandfather at the entrance, greeting the guests as they came in. He didn't know everyone who came; family came, of course, but there were some other people that Lovino didn't recognize. His grandfather seemed to know them, so Lovino simply assumed they were his friends.

"Hey, hey!" A voice shouted out. Lovino glanced around and found Gilbert heading towards him with Ludwig not far behind. The albino smirked and crossed his arms. "You don't look so bad in a suit, eh?"

"Shut up!" Lovino snapped. "It's not like I wanted to dress all formal and shit."

"Language, Lovino." Scolded Lovino's grandfather as he looked over from greeting another pair of guests.

Lovino rolled his eyes and handed Gilbert two small pamphlets.

"What're these?" The German questioned.

"They're little booklet-things about Feli. It's just a bunch of basic information about him. You guys probably know everything written in it, but the guests are supposed to have them."

"I see," Ludwig nodded as he took one from Gilbert. "Thank you."

"Tch, whatever." Lovino grumbled. "Just go find your seats and whatever.''

"Lovino~!"

Before the Lovino could even find Antonio (he automatically knew that voice) Gilbert and Ludwig were thrown aside as the Spaniard burst between them and threw his arms around Lovino.

"Gack! Wha-What are you doing, you bastard?! _Get off me!"_

Antonio pulled back and placed his hands on Lovino's shoulders. Looking the Italian over, he beamed. "Oh, Lovi, you look amazing! That suit looks so good on you! And your hair is so neatly combed- ah, except for that one curl, but that always sticks out, doesn't it? It's so cute, Lovi!"

"Would you calm the hell down?!" Lovino swore, pushing Antonio away from him. "I'm not supposed to look cute; this is a _funeral,_ not wedding! Besides, I'm not 'cute'."

"Psh, Lovino you're adorable!"

" _NO I'M NOT!"_

"Well, well, what is going on here? Antonio trying to compliment his crush?"

Lovino turned red from his neck to his ears and glared at the four who now approached. "No, Francis. I'm not his 'crush' or whatever the hell you call it. And keep your delusional, homo-daydreams to yourself!"

The Frenchman snickered and waved a dismissive hand in the hair. "Whatever you say, mon ami."

"Wait, Toni's got a crush on Lovino?" Alfred asked curiously.

"No, he doesn't." Lovino answered for Antonio through gritted teeth.

"Well…"

" _Shut the fuck up, Arthur, I said he doesn't!"_

"You know, one can be blind to another's feelings if they, themselves, are in love," Francis mused.

"Can it, baguette bastard," Lovino growled. He shoved a handful of pamphlets into Francis' hands. "Just go find your seats and leave me alone. I've got more guests to greet."

"Oui, oui~," Francis sang, linking his arm with Antonio's and dragged him along. "Don't worry, we'll keep your Romeo occupied until you join us."

"Shut up!" Lovino glared after Francis. He then noticed an extra person who was walking along with Arthur and Alfred. He almost missed him, the boy seemed to blend in with the group. "Wait," he called, pointing to the boy. "Who are you?"

The extra boy seemed to know that Lovino was addressing him and turned around. He gave a pleasant smile. "I'm Matthew."

"Uh… do I know you?"

Matthew's eyes widened in surprise as if he expected had Lovino to recognize him. "O-Oh, I, uh… Alfred didn't-,"

"Wha? Someone say my name- OH!" Alfred slung an arm around the boy and grinned sheepishly. "Hah, sorry about that, Mattie; I totally forgot to introduce you!" He gestured a hand to the boy- Matthew - and looked over at Lovino. "This here is my bro, Matthew. He's younger than me, but in our grade 'cause he's one of them super smart kids. Right Matt?"

Matthew blushed slightly, averting his gaze. "W-Well, uh, I mean…"

"Right!" Alfred laughed. "Anyway, yeah, he's a Brainiac. He's also really quiet and a bookworm, so people don't notice him a lot. He may not mind it much, but I'm not a big fan of my bro being all alone all the time, so I invited him to come here! That way he can make some friends!"

"Uh, Alfred," Lovino raised an eyebrow. "I hate to break to you, but this is a funeral. I don't think it's a place to make friends, if you know what I mean."

"Nah," The blue-eyed boy shrugged. "Any place is a place to make friends! Anyway, we'll meet ya by the chairs. C'mon Mattie!"

"O-Okay," Matthew said quietly. He gave a last look at Lovino, showing a sheepish smile. "It was nice meeting you."

"Yeah, sure." Lovino scratched the back of his head awkwardly. He then turned back around and continued to greet the guests.

Thankfully soon, all the guests had arrived and were now seated. Some had tears in their eyes while others had them dry. Though not long after the service started did everyone have tears snaking their way down their faces. A board full of pictures of Feliciano stood propped up in front of the podium, and there was a table with papers holding memories written out on them for people to read. It was a simple set up for the event, but that didn't stop it from looking nice. Francis had indeed done a wonder for decorating. The funeral was Italian themed for Lovino's heritage with ribbons of red, green, and white were strung about the seats, tables, and podium.

Lovino's grandfather opened the service with a speech of his own about Feliciano that lasted quite a while. He had to pause a couple times when speaking in order to regather himself. By the end of his speech, some of the guests were crying along with him. Next, a pastor came and talked. Lovino partially zoned out at this time, not because he was against religious talk, but because he had heard it all before many times from church and whatnot. After the pastor finished, it was Lovino's turn.

Although Lovino had practiced his speech multiple times before the funeral, nerves still spurred within him. He bit his lip as his grandfather announced him, wishing he didn't have to do this. He almost wanted to do something crazy like bolt from his seat and run off. Then a small tap on his shoulder brushed those thoughts aside as he turned around and saw Antonio who gave him a reassuring wink.

"You'll do fine." He whispered.

Lovino gave a nervous smile and nodded back. He then made his way to the podium, taking a deep breath as he faced his audience. His nerves grew more intense as he looked over the guests. His throat grew dry. His knees quivered. His arms trembled even as he gripped the sides of the podium tightly.

He froze.

What if he messed up? What if his speech wasn't good after all? What if people laughed? What if everything went wrong? He couldn't handle that. He _didn't_ _want_ to handle that. No…He couldn't do this. He would have to apologize and go sit down and just deal with the embarrassment for the rest of his life and-

"C'mon, Lovi! You got this! Don't be nervous!"

Lovino's head perked up at the voice and his eyes searched for the source of it. They immediately landed on Antonio, who was now giving him two thumbs-ups. He nodded at the Italian encouragingly, mouthing "go on" at him. Gilbert, Francis, Arthur, and the others all joined in giving reassuring gestures and looks to Lovino.

It helped. A lot. Lovino felt himself stand up straighter, his legs and arms not shaking anymore. He took a deep breath, feeling the fluttering in his stomach calm, and then he began.

"S-So, um, I am Lovino Vargas," The Italian boy started. "older brother of Feliciano. There's a lot of things I can say about my brother, but I might as well begin with describing who he was. First of all, Feliciano loved painting. He loved it almost as much as he loved pasta, and that's saying something. He was really good at it two; his room was always full of these masterpieces. They literally littered his room, stacked against each other, shoved in his closet, or hanging on his walls. I shit you not, I swear he was Leonardo da Vinci two-point-o. Like…his paintings could take you places. When you looked at them, you were transported to a different world. I used to sneak into his room and admire his art for what felt like hours, going into different little worlds with each painting." Lovino smiled slightly to himself, reminiscing in those memories. He shook his head and continued once again. "Feliciano was also surprisingly athletic. He played football- or soccer, as Alfred likes to call it -and was one of the best guys on his team. He may not have been the strongest guy, but the little shit was quick. His speed sure helped him run away from chores. Feliciano was also a pretty smart kid. He was good in school, had all A's, and was the biggest social butterfly you would ever meet. He was cheery, bright, and just…just a great guy. In fact, we always gave him the nickname of Lovely Little Feliciano. Yup. It was Lovely Little Feli, and Cranky Old Lovi." This earned a few chuckles from the audience. Lovino smiled along with them, but it dropped as he moved on. "But there was another thing about Feliciano…" he paused. This is where it was going to get difficult, but there was no backing out now.

"You see…another thing Feliciano was good at was acting. I mean, he was in all the school plays; even got the lead a couple times. He could play any character or part given to him. The problem was that…Feli didn't stop acting outside of class or school. He didn't even stop at home. See, my brother was given a part in live. It was the part of Feliciano Vargas. He played the character quite well, too. Feliciano Vargas was a happy-go-lucky guy, had the best friends, and was the nicest guy you could ever meet. That was Feliciano Vargas. Now, just Feliciano alone was different. Just Feliciano was scared. Just Feliciano was alone. Just Feliciano was tired, and sad, and lost. But because all he was to everyone was Feliciano Vargas, nobody knew Feliciano. He couldn't talk to anybody. So…So he did what all actors do. He put on the mask and costume, covered his scars with makeup, and rehearsed his lines so everyone would think he was okay. It was a painful routine he did every single day. He wanted somebody to notice it wasn't him to stood on the stage of life. He wanted someone to pull the mask away. He wanted someone to see him as Just Feliciano. So he waited and waited, doing the same thing every day, and hoped that one day somebody would look past the character and see him in all his brokenness. Unfortunately, no one did. And Feli… He grew tired of waiting."

Lovino stopped, wiping away the few tears that had escaped his eyes, which stared down at the wooden podium in front of him. He then picked up his head, his gaze scanning the audience. "It hurts. It hurts me to know that I never saw through this character. I'm his own brother for fuck's sake, yet I never saw him for who he was. I was blinded by the show, the lights, the costumes. And now? Now it's too late. The tickets are sold out, the seats are now empty. The show is done, and Feliciano is gone. I ask this of all you here today: Open your eyes. Look for the actor in people, not the character. Look for who someone really is because they might be trying to show you. They might be desperately trying to reach out through the character and call for help. They might be standing on the line of giving up because nobody sees them! So please, I beg of you all… Open your eyes…Because you never know who's acting."

With a small bow of the head, Lovino took his papers and stepped off.

* * *

"Whoa! Man, that speech was epic, Lovino!"

"Indeed. It sure got my eyes teary."

"How'd you think of all that?"

"Guys, settle down. I'm sure Lovi isn't in the mood to be pestered with questions."

Lovino was secretly thankful Antonio had stepped in. The funeral was now over and almost all the guests had left. It had gone by faster than Lovino had expected after his speech; he must've zoned out again because he didn't quite remember what all happened. Now he was here cleaning up with Antonio and the others helping alongside him.

"So…guys," Lovino said after a few moments of silence. "I, uh, just wanted to thank you all for coming and whatever. It was appreciated."

"It was no problem, Lovi~," Antonio grinned and patted the brunette's back. "We wanted to be here for you. Plus, it was cool hearing some stories about Feli that we had never known."

"Yeah, like that one with him getting stuck in a box for three hours? That's hilarious, dude!" Alfred chirped in.

"Oui," Agreed Francis. "It was also good to understand the part of Feli that we didn't know. It was hard to hear, yes, but it's better we aren't oblivious to what your brother really felt."

Lovino nodded, his gaze moving to the ground. "Yeah."

A silence hung in the air over the group for a minute or so before Antonio broke it. "Anyway, Lovi, it's getting late and-,"

"If you need to get home and shit, just say so," Mumbled the Italian. "I can handle the rest on my own. It's not like I really need you bastards to help me."

"Actually," Antonio said. "I was going to say that you should go home. You've done a lot today, and I bet that big speech was pretty draining, no? Why don't you take a break and turn in, and we can take care of cleaning up the rest of this."

"Wha- No! I can't just leave you guys to finish this! That would make _me_ a bastard!"

"Aw, no it wouldn't, Lovi~! You're so sweet for caring, though, but honestly, we can handle this little mess. You go home and rest up."

"I'm not sweet, bastard. And I _don't_ care. I just don't want to be responsible for letting idiots like you take care of all this. I bet you don't even know what to do with all this crap!"

Antonio tapped his chin. "Mm…I suppose we don't. But we'll figure it out!"

"Antonio, I really don't-"

The Spaniard turned Lovino to face him, putting two hands on the boy's shoulders and looking himstraight in his golden eyes. "Lovino. It'll be fine. You've already done so much today from setting up the chairs and tables to giving your big speech. Let us help, okay? We'll manage."

Lovino gave a sigh of defeat. "Fine. Only because I'm damn tired, though. Got it?"

Antonio laughed. "Alright, alright. We'll see you Monday then?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Lovino mumbled, already heading off towards his grandfather.

* * *

 **Ahhhhh so that was that! I really hope you guys liked it. I was a bit nervous because as I look over it now, it's not that long... and the ending...eh... I didn't have a real good plan. I just didn't know if I should stop it at the end of the speech or not. Sorry...**

 **But anyway, I'm happy to say that Lovino's speech actually went alright! So that's good...I guess? Hah...now I'm just stalling**

 **Anyway, I'll shut up now. As always, your reviews are what keep me going! Also, PLEASE NOTE: AFTER THIS CHAPTER I AM KINDA OUT OF IDEAS SO IF YOU GUYS HAVE ANY SCENE IDEAS PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE TELL ME! Seriously...I don't mean to sound needy or anything (I really don't, I'm so sorry if I sound like that.../-\") I'm just super desperate on ideas because I'm honestly not sure what I'm going to do for later chapters. I would really love to continue this story for you all. It's a lot of fun to write! But I simply can't continue a story I don't have ideas for... So if any of you think of some, please please please tell me!**

 **Okay... I'm done. I'm sorry... heh. Well, I'll try to keep thinking of stuff, and hopefully will update sooner than I have been. Thank you all so much for sticking with this crappy author of Isthereanyothernames! Until then~**

 **Ciao for now~! :D**

 **-Ithereanyothernames (Aka, "Izzy" for now until I find a better nickname :P)**


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